Shatter Me With Hopes
by McJinx64
Summary: Derek's been shot and Meredith has lost her baby before she'd ever had a chance to tell him. How will our favorite couple deal with this? Will Meredith slip back into her dark and twisty place or will her love for Derek get her past the loss?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy...I only wish ;-)**

**Author's note: As I did last summer I decided to write a fic...post season finale. I know you need your fix to get you through the summer ;-) **

**Derek has been shot and Meredith was so happy when she found out she was pregnant but due to the stress of the shooting, she's lost the baby. How will she deal with this loss...will she get lost in that dark and twisty place again? Or will her love for Derek be strong enough to survive this loss? And what about Doctor Shepherd...will he ever get past the shooting. Didn't he almost end up like his dad? Please read the story and please comments...I really appreciate it!**

**Shatter Me With Hopes**

**Chapter 1**

_The human life is made up of choices; YES or NO, IN or OUT, UP or DOWN…and then there are the choices that matter; to LOVE or HATE, to be a HERO or to be a COWARD, to FIGHT or to GIVE in, to LIVE or…DIE!_

_LIVE or DIE; HERO or COWARD, FIGHT or GIVE IN…I'll say it again to those who want to hear me; the human life is made of choices…__live or die__…that's the important choice…and it's not always…in our hands!_

_Quote by Derek Shepherd _

I close my eyes to look back at the choices I've made in my life and they're all clear and deep. They show no evidence of the struggles and losses I've been dealt with unless it's the salt water that suddenly fills them as the waves roll in…the salt of my tears. Another cramp seizes my belly and I try to focus my attention on my breathing while I lean against my locker. When the cramp slowly subsides I stuff my bag with my things and place it back in my locker…and then there it is; _my positive pregnancy test!_ Meredith Grey, age 32, in the midst of her residency and pregnant with her first child…well at least…_I was_. My hand slightly trembles as I take the test from my locker and stare at it.

"_Mere_…!"

"Huh?"

My reverie is broken by the sound of Cristina's voice as she stands in the doorway of the room, "Derek's asking for you!"

"OK."

A heavy sigh escapes me before I turn around and glance around the locker room. I throw the pregnancy test into the waste bin and as the lid closes, my heart breaks and I feel like there is nothing I can do to make it stop.

…

My heart beats faster as I enter Derek's room. Dark evening light has filled his room with a gray coldness and his eyes are closed as I step closer to him; not quite touching but near enough to let him feel my presence.  
"_Derek_?" I lean over him and I see him shiver as my breath touches his pale skin. He takes a deep breath. Again he shivers and I long to warm him. Softly running my hand down his arm, I take his fingers into mine. They're cold like icicles.

"_Mere…_?"

"Shhh…don't try to talk…everything's fine…you're safe!" I move my hand to his chest where his heart flutters against the ribs like a caged bird. He closes his eyes and I see tears at the tips of his lashes, "I'm… sorry," he manages to bring out. I hear his breath, shallow and fast as if there's not enough oxygen in the room and I know he's in pain; pale and trembling with fatigue and the loss of so much blood. The room starts to blur before I realize tears in my eyes are fogging my vision. Angrily I wipe them away before bending down to press a kiss to his forehead. His eyes flutter open, dark lashes making sooty crescents against his pale cheeks. The tension between his eyes disappears and a faint smile graces his handsome face.

"Thank you for not dying," I whisper, lightly running my fingers through his hair. I bite my lip and turn away. My tears start flowing like water, streaming over my cheeks. Then I feel Derek touching my arm.

"Why?" I manage to bring out.

"What …?" Derek whispers.

"Why did they have to die?"

I hear Derek sigh as he reaches over and touches my cheek, wiping away my tears with his thumb. I grab his hand, holding onto it for dear life, as sobs rack my tired body. I close my eyes and lean forward onto the bed. I feel how Derek strokes my hair and it's the last thing I remember.

…

"_Mere_…?"

I feel a soft tap on my shoulder and slowly turn around. I face Cristina as she nods and looks at me in concern, "I know you want to stay but Derek needs his sleep and so do you!"

I nod and turn to Derek. His even breaths betray he's deep asleep. I brush my hand along his cheek and walk towards the door. Suddenly I'm hit by a wave of exhaustion and lean against the wall for a moment to keep my balance.

"_Mere…_?"

I turn to face Cristina and force myself to smile.

"Are you OK?" She asks in concern.

"Yeah…I'm just kind of dizzy…that's all." I take in a deep breath and step away from the wall but my knees almost buckle immediately. Cristina shoots forward and catches me before I hit the floor, "Lean on me," she instructs firmly.

I lean my head against her shoulder, holding onto her arm for support. "Take deep breaths," she says. I do as she asks. I feel one of her hands resting around my shoulder and the other on the small of my back, supporting me.

"Do you think you're going to pass out?"

I slowly shake my head.

"Let me examine you," she says, gazing into my eyes, "…Just make sure everything's right with the baby!"

I shake my head again, "Cristina…I'm just really tired, "I say real quickly.

She studies my face as I grow pale.

"_What_…?" she whispers.

My tears just instantly start streaming and I fall to my knees, crying bitterly into my hands, "There…is…no…baby. I've had a miscarriage!" I curl up on the floor, weeping brokenly…both my body and soul in agony. An insistent loss is making itself known in my lower belly and I feel like dying. Suddenly I feel I'm being lifted by two strong arms and a voice, I recognize as Avery's, soothing me. I feel how he lowers me down on a bed. I cry far into the night, soaking my pillow and bed sheets with my tears. I scream over and over again, my voice muffled by the pillow and finally, I slip into a deep, almost comatose sleep…luckily enough free of dreams.

I wake up early the next morning in an empty on call room and immediately the realization hits me; Derek's been shot and I've lost our baby! I slowly sit up and close my eyes. My lower belly is cramping like crazy. All over sudden I feel the urge to pee. I rush to a toilet and bear down and then I feel how _it_ leaves my body; my baby, perfectly formed, a little bloody, about 2 1/2 inches long, arms and legs not in proportion to its body and head, but definitely a baby! Without thinking I clench my teeth and reach down into the toilet bowl. I wrap the only remains of the baby I will never meet into some toilet paper and save it in a plastic cub in my scrubs.

…

Seattle Grace Mercy Hospital almost seems deserted as I walk down the long hallway. Out of the side of my vision I suddenly notice someone walking up me; it's Lexie.

"Hey…I was just about to check up on you!"

"I'm fine…how's Derek?"

"He's still sleeping…are you going to see him?"

I shake my head and force a smile on my face, "No…I'm going home for a quick shower and a change of clothes…be back in hour!"

"Oh…OK," she replies. She lets out a big sigh and then she hugs me…hard, holding on for several seconds. Blinking rapidly and biting my upper lip between my teeth prevents me from crying. Finally, she lets go and smiles at me, quietly saying, "I'm glad Derek didn't die!"

"Mmm…," I nod. I turn around and make my way down the hallway, still sensing Lexie's eyes poking my back but I don't turn around and leave the hospital…_my former sanctuary_.

My drive home stretches and flexes into a long quest as the first threatening rumbles of thunder warn me of a huge storm ahead. I sigh as a few random raindrops spatter on my windshield and then with no further prelude; downpour. I grope for the wiper controls and my focus narrows. There is a pair of taillights ahead of me, with attendant yellow flashers, rippling and swaying through the water on my windshield. The radio's on but I don't recognize what's playing; it's as if my entire cerebral cortex has been re-allocated to interpret visual information. Lightning, which until now has been a theatrical flickering among distant clouds, become immediate and personal in a blinding instant but a sigh of relief escapes me when I finally see my exit ahead and a few moments later, I park my car in the driveway of my house.

…

As I unlock the front door and step inside, shivers run down my spine as the cold air in the house attacks my skin. Finally inside the safe confines of my house, the intensity of everything that has happened, hits me again and placing my hand over my mouth, I try to stifle the panting gasps that suddenly escape me. It's still difficult for me to breathe properly as I make my way out of the room and upstairs to my bedroom. Inside I undress and stand in front of the mirror, still caught up in a daze. I don't look into the mirror, why bother? My soul feels like its gone and I can't stand to see the person in the mirror, looking back at me. As I step into the bathroom and get under the shower, each drop of water almost feels like a bullet at close range hitting my skin. My achy body feels like an open canvas of raw nerves. I hurry through the shower and I'm glad when I'm finally done. When I'm dressed I go back into the bathroom to pick up my things. When I pick up my scrub pants, I feel the small jar. I carefully reach into the pocket and pull out the small plastic cup. It is transparent and I can see the blood covered toilet paper. Pain erupts suddenly through my chest and tears cloud my vision as I desperately try to breathe. I can feel my breath running through my mouth but breathing almost hurts so much I'm afraid I'm going to pass out. My breaths come out in rapped gasps and gulping noises, as I stare at the plastic cup with the remains of my baby and I feel sadder than ever. Reality has finally caught up with me…this is mine and Derek's dead baby! I make my way downstairs and run outside in my bare feet, heading straight to my gardening shed. I grab a shovel and in the pouring rain I run down the wooden staircase that leads to my garden. It's then that I loose my footing. Up into the air, the shovel, the plastic cup with my baby, we all go…slipping and sliding, down countless stairs…no shoes to stop me. The shovel comes down on top of my leg, leaving me with a two inch gash.

"Crap," I scowl.

I slowly continue down the stairs, limping towards the back fence where I find a small shrub, under which I dig a hole. I plop the plastic cup into the hole and bury it. I give the freshly dug grave a couple of solid pats and then I run back up to the house.

Startled, I find Cristina standing on the back deck, staring at me. I am dripping wet, bare feet caked in mud and blood streaming down my leg…and I'm holding a shovel. There's no question, I must look like a crazy woman. I can hear the telephone ringing in the house and as I hurry to get inside I snap at Cristina that I've just buried my fetus in the backyard.

**To be continued in the next chapter**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy...I only wish **

**Author's note: Thanks to all of you who've added my story to their favourites. My whole mailbox was full of e-mails ;-) I also would like to thank those readers who took the time to comment on the first chapter. Some of you were grossed out by Meredith taking her fetus out of the toilet bowl and burrying in in her back garden but as I was writing the chapter, I tried to put myself in her shoes. I'm almost sure it was what she would have done (remember the remains of her mom in her locker). Again...thanks to those who commented...it really means a lot. Please read the next chapter and let me know what you think of it. I've also written a part as Derek's point of view. Let me know if you like that. **

**Further I wish you all a nice day!**

**McJinx**

**Chapter 2**

I flinch as Cristina presses a wet washcloth against the gash in my leg, and I'm still wondering why she hasn't asked anything about the scene, she witnessed in the back yard.

"How bad is it?" I ask, bracing myself for the worst.

"It's just a scratch…it's deep…but you don't need stitches," Cristina says while she cleans and covers my gash with a band aid.

"Thanks," I softly sigh.

"You're welcome!"

"Have you seen Derek this morning?" I ask quietly.

Cristina nods as she pulls me to my feet, "That's why I'm here. He's asked me to check up on you!"

"_Why_?" I ask hesitantly, "…You haven't told him about the baby…have you?"

"Of course not," Cristina remarks wryly, "…Derek's just worried because he knows you saw him get shot yesterday!"

"Of course…I'm sorry," I sigh wearily, trying to shrug off the dark cloud that has settled over me since yesterday. A faint smile flits briefly across Cristina's face, fading before I'm even certain it was there, as she says, "Go get changed…I'll drive you to the hospital. The Chief's expecting us!"

"_Derek_?"

"No…I mean…Chief Webber," Cristina hurries to say. "He's making an announcement around 10!"

…

As Cristina and I slowly make our way through the crowd that has gathered in front of the stairwell, we also notice some police detectives. Apparently they're still investigating the shooting.

"I hope they shot that bastard," I hear someone whisper as Richard slowly descends. A young intern lets out a nervous giggle, which echoes down the stairwell. Richard loudly clears his throat and the crowd grows silent, uneasy, for what is about to come…

"Yesterday…, Richard begins, "…Seattle Grace Mercy Hospital was under attack…Doctor Reed Adamson, Doctor Alex Karev, Nurse Marcia Parker, Security Officer John Terry, Nurse Mary Jo Walker, Doctor Charles Percy, Chief Derek Shepherd, Doctor Owen Hunt and Doctor Wayne Hart were all shot by Gary Clark, who held us accountable for his wife's death! Doctors Karev and Hunt were only superficially wounded and will recover fully…Chief Shepherd caught a bullet next to his heart but thanks to Doctor Cristina Yang, he's also expected to make a full recovery!" Richard paused for a moment, "…After his rampage, Mr. Clark wounded himself with a shot to the head and died later. Chief Shepherd has asked me to step in as temporary Chief and I've accepted," Richard slowly said, "The police are here with questions…so let's all cooperate and help them as good as we can. That's all people and now…let's take a moment to respectfully honor and remember our colleagues whose lives were taken yesterday!"

I close my eyes and a strange feeling overcomes me. _I'm falling…falling through the air…the wind stroking my hair. It feels as if I'm flying but I know I'm still standing near the stairwell…Why am I flying? Gary Clark is dead. We're all safe…but why is it that I still feel like I'm falling?_

I have a bad taste in my mouth and I think I'm going to throw up any second now. Feeling sick…sweat forms on my forehead, trickling down my nose, my cheeks. _Am I ill? What's wrong with me? _

I try to fight the nauseous feeling, put my hand in front of my mouth and open my eyes. My breathing is short and shallow and I feel like a smoker in his last minutes.

"Mere…are you OK?"

"Get me out of here?" I whisper.

Cristina doesn't say a word but instead, leads me out of the hospital. She stops in front of a wooden bench and I sit down.

_I have to breathe. How do you breathe? _

"Breathe through your nose…," I hear Cristina say.

_Through my nose…she said through my nose. I can't stop my gasping. I have to try and fill my lungs with air_.

"Breathe Meredith…in and out; in and out…slow even breaths!"

Cristina's voice comes from far away and I close my eyes again.

_Breathe slowly. Calmly. In and out. Breathe. _

My nostrils flare as I try to suck in air…_my lungs need air…NOW_! I cough and finally the oxygen travels to my lungs as I take in a deep breath. I slowly count to ten in my head and I feel how my heartbeat slows down and makes me feel calmer.

"You were having an anxiety attack," Cristina says as she hands me a bottle of water.

"I know." I wipe my clammy forehead with my shirtsleeve and take a gulp of water from the bottle.

"Are you OK now?" Cristina asks worriedly as she leans down and helps me up. I raise my head looking at her, "I didn't know it was this bad…He killed six people, Cristina…Six!"

"I know," Cristina says slowly. A surge of anger goes through me as I suddenly realize; _Gary Clark didn't kill six people…he killed seven. I still would be pregnant if it hadn't been for him_. I clench my fists and release my pain with a deafening scream.

"WOW…now my ears are ringing," Cristina remarks as she looks at me, "Feeling better now?"

I nod, "Take me to Derek!"

…

I stand in the doorway to Derek's private room, just watching him sleep. He seems so peaceful…so content. It's hard to believe that he almost died yesterday. Just the thought makes me shiver and I step inside his room, silently closing the door behind me. I move to his bedside and sit down on the edge of his bed. Derek stirs, probably sensing my presence.

"Hey," he whispers as he opens his eyes, his voice still a bit hoarse and weak.

"Hey," I softly reply, entwining my fingers with his. Derek smiles and struggles to sit up. I help him, not commenting on the pain that flashes in his eyes at the simple movement.

As he sits up, he softly says, "How are you holding up?"

I immediately start fighting the tears that are trying to escape my eyes. I try to smile but fail hopelessly. I shift uneasily under Derek's incredulous glare and look at the floor.

"I'm…OK," I softly manage to bring out.

"No…you're not," Derek says as he embraces me carefully, trying not to push too much pressure on the wound on his chest.

"Oh…Derek." A tear is rolling down my cheek. Derek notices it and brushes it away with his fingertip.

"Don't cry…I'm gonna be fine! Derek's hand touches my cheek and he uses his thumb to wipe away my tears. I bite down on my lip hard.

"I know…but I have to tell…you…something," I say, releasing more tears. Derek grasps the sides of my face in both his hands and stares at me intently. I shiver under his glare.

"_What_?" Derek says and my body heart feels like breaking apart. I close my eyes and swallow hard.

"Meredith…look at me?" Derek demands. His voice is low and my eyes flutter open, "What is it?"

I shake my head, unable to speak but the scream I suddenly let out, sounds as if I'm dying right at the spot.

"_I was PREGNANT_!"

"_What_?" I look up and the look in Derek's eyes has changed. He blinks, confused. "What do you mean…you were pregnant?" He stiffens, both eyes suddenly sharp. _Why are we having this conversation right now?_

Tears are rolling down my cheeks now as I softly whisper, "I found out yesterday…I meant to tell you but then…!"

"Oh…my…God," Derek whispers. The confusion melts from his face. His eyes are huge…his mouth open. "Oh…Meredith…"

Deep sobs are shaking my body when Derek cups my face in his hands…his strong, tender hands. He leans closer, eyes intense, reaching deep into mine, "OK…listen to me. Calm down and listen. Can you do that for me?"

Derek's voice is steady…soothing. Like rain. I feel a wave of nausea washing over me and I close my eyes but almost immediately, I open them again and look into Derek's.

"Mere…this is important, OK? Concentrate on what I'm saying to you…We're both alive. We both survived yesterday's terrible ordeal. You've carried my baby…and now it's gone! But Meredith…I love you. We _will_ make it through this OK?"

Derek's words flow over me. I watch his lips move; his nice white teeth. I breathe…in and out…and then I nod my head in understanding. I lean my head against Derek's shoulder, trying to let his calm wash over me.

"Everything will be fine," he whispers in my ear. He bents closer to me and relaxes his features, giving me the warmest look I've ever seen. He looks into my eyes and squeezes my hand.

"Lie with me?"

I nod and lie down next to Derek and soon after I feel my eyes starting to droop. I feel the room spinning and I know I'm slipping into sleep. Instead of fighting it…I just let the dark curtain close across my eyes and slowly drift away…

I wake up surrounded by darkness, my heart aching in my chest. My wound is burning and I cough. Acid sears up my esophagus and I cough again. My eyes flutter open and I glance beside me. Meredith lies beside me and I tug a loose strand of hair from her face. She stirs and softly moans without waking up.

_She was pregnant with my baby_.

My thumb rubs absently over her soft cheek and I stare at her until my vision goes blurry, tears falling hot and wet upon her.

_I have to be strong. I cannot break…not in front of her…_

My bottom lip trembles and my head fills with curses…but they're useless because the person who's responsible for my…_our pain_, chose the easy way out.

I clench my teeth and feel the pain in my chest ignite and pull on my internal organs. I try to shift but my arms drop to my sides and I moan in pain from my muscles rejecting the sudden change in position.

"_Derek_?" Meredith says, almost in a whisper.

"I'm fine…just go back to sleep," I say, but my throat is dry and hoarse and my words must come out pathetic. Meredith props up on one elbow and looks at me.

"I've loved you from the moment, I've met you. Do you know that?" she asks softly while she starts stroking my hair.

"Meredith…please stop," I plea desperately, feeling tears well up in my eyes. _I don't want her to see me like this_.

She leans down and kisses me softly on the mouth and I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks before I start sobbing into her mouth. Her lips flutter gently over mine before she pulls back and looks down at me, "You're everything I've always wanted!"

I sob. _I don't want to hear any of this. I can't…I have to be strong._

"Shhh Derek…Everything will be OK."

There is a long silence as we just look at each other. _Meredith Grey; the only woman who'd ever had my heart. _

My hand is trembling as I caress her cheek. She smiles and I smile back, only a little because it's all I can do without crying again.

"I love you," I whisper, my voice catching in my throat.

"I love you too," she tells me, wiping away one stray tear. She leans in to kiss my forehead. I close my eyes and slowly feel darkness coming to claim me again. My wife holds me, whispering she loves me as the world around me slowly disappears and I drift off to sleep…

**##########**

**To be continued in chapter 3...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy...I only wish**

**Author's note: I'm sure you'll like the next chapter...I'm keeping Shonda's words in my mind...the next season will be world changing...well, this next chapter sure is! Please enjoy reading it and if you don't mind, take the time to comment. **

**Wishing you a nice weekend,**

**McJinx**

**Chapter 3**

More than two weeks have passed since the shooting as Christiana and I walk down the long hallway of the surgical ward. I nervously chew my nails when Cristina's slender but strong hand whacks my fingers away from my mouth.

"_CRISTINA_!" I snap as I blow on my fingers, willing them to stop hurting.

"Would you please stop being so nervous? I'm going to remove Derek's sutures, not crack his chest open…_again_," she huffs at me.

"You can be a real bitch sometimes…you know that?" I scowl at her.

"Oh…come on…I know you love me," Cristina urges, as she pulls my sleeve. "I'm just trying to calm you down a bit. Once Derek's stitches are gone…He's ready to go home!"

"Why do you think I'm so nervous," I mumble as I resume chewing my nails.

"Don't sweat it Mere…I remove his stitches...you give him a sponge bath…and then you take him home," she advises. "…And then – _if I were you_ - I'd have sex…lots of sex. Just so you know," she adds with a grin.

"You have a dirty mind," I reply…rolling my eyes.

"Yeah…I know," she giggles as we enter Derek's room. He sitting upright in his bed and smiles as we come in, "Hey…there are my two favorite girls!"

Cristina chuckles, "I'm one of your favorites?"

"Sure," Derek grins…"You deserved that title when you saved my life."

I kiss Derek's cheek and help him opening his hospital gown.

Cristina leans over Derek and thoroughly examines the scars in his chest. She makes a few scribbles in his chart before she washes her hands and starts to remove his sutures.

"There are no signs of infection, Doctor Shepherd," she mumbles while she accurately removes stitch after stitch. When she has removed the last suture, she swabs the area with an antiseptic.

"Everything's looking good. I'll ask Doctor Bailey to sign your discharge papers so Mere can take you home later today!"

"OK…thanks Doctor Yang!" Derek extends his hand to shake Cristina's. She chuckles but still takes his hand. He holds hers longer than intended and nods approvingly, "You're an excellent Doctor Yang…and thanks again for saving my life!"

"Now…I have to go," Cristina stammers, blinking rapidly. She picks up the tray with medical instruments and leaves the room without looking back.

"She's not good at taking compliments," I smile before sitting down on Derek's bed. I gaze in his eyes as he takes my hand, "I can't wait to get home…sleep in my own bed…preferably with you next to me," Derek smiles.

"Hmm…me too!" Without realizing, my gaze slowly travels to his chest, particularly to the dark purple scar, close to 6 inches, running down his sternum. It's still strange…a dark line separating his chest in two and faint black and yellow bruises surrounding the healing hole from the gunshot wound.

"Does it still hurt?" I ask hesitantly.

"A little bit. Not so much anymore. It'll heal," he says. "The scar…everything. It will heal."

I nod and watch Derek's chest rise and fall with each breath. The scar moves with it, a part of Derek now, like his slender fingers, his blue eyes, his perfect hair and his recovering heart.

"Can I?" I softly whisper as I lean forward and touch his chest.

Derek nods and I brush my fingertips gently over the scar. Derek's stomach muscles contract and his breaths grow startlingly louder. My eyes flicker to his face because I'm afraid I'm hurting him but his eyes are closed and his breaths come out slightly out of control.

"Am I hurting you?" I ask innocently.

"Not particularly," Derek says with a smirk on his face.

I slowly run my fingers down his chest and finally rest my hand over his heart, feeling the rapid thudding that's too fast to be normal.

"Cristina was in here," I whisper, "She held your heart…she touched it and…she fixed it… she fixed you!"

Derek looks at me; his pupils so dilated that only tiny rings of his blue irises remain. He smiles and we press our foreheads together.

"If you touch me any longer like this…you're gonna give me a heart attack for sure!" Derek whispers, sliding his hand into my hair.

"Oh really," I giggle but Derek pulls me closer and a slow kiss follows. A slow, sexy, hungry kiss. When he lets go of me, we smile but we both feel that magnetic pull bringing us together again. Neither of us can resist as our lips meet again. As the door to Derek's room opens, we pull away, smirking at each other. Derek takes my hand, "Let's get organized so we can go home!"

I smile and lean against his shoulder, "Whatever you say Doctor Shepherd!"

"Lovebirds," I hear Doctor Bailey mumble as she hands Derek his discharge papers and I turn to hide my blushing face.

_In a few houres…I'm going to take my husband home!_

After unpacking Derek's things, I quietly enter the living room where I find him - eyes closed - on the couch. Looking down on his softened features, I can't help but smile, realizing how thankful I am that he's back. I sink down to my knees next to him until my face is level with his. I sigh and let my hand travel to his hair, weaving my fingers through his thick, black curls.

"Do you remember the day we signed your post-it?" Derek whispers, turning his head and looking at me.

"Hmm," I sigh softly while I continue playing with his hair. Derek sighs audibly and there is a slightly concerned look on his face as he slowly sits up.

"We need to talk!"

I look up at Derek but he looks away before I can get a good look at his face. I frown and then cup his face with my hands forcing him to look at me.

"What's going on?"

A deep, serious frown appears on Derek's face as he looks into my eyes.

"Why do you look at me like this?"

Without answering, he clamps his mouth over my lips and forces his tongue between them. A strong, minty taste fills my mouth and with my hands held down and my body trapped between his knees, I quickly surrender. _God how I've missed this!_

But…no matter how much I like the kissing; I sense something's going on, so I free myself from his embrace.

"_Derek_?"

"OK…I'm sorry!" The takes in a deep, frustrated breath; "It's hard to explain…I don't want you to take it the wrong way."

"Just give it a try," I softly say.

He nods and rubs the back of his hand across his forehead as if he wonders how he has to say the things he wants to say.

"_Meredith…_," he whispers tenderly, reaching forward and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "…You know what the post-it means to me."

I nod and frown at the same time. _What is trying to say?_

"God…," Derek rakes his hands through his dark hair before he lounges forward and takes my face in his hands, "I love you Meredith Grey," he assures me, pressing his lips onto mine.

I wind my arms around his neck, drawing him closer and covering his mouth with a feather light kiss until he pries my arms away and rests his forehead against mine, "When I got shot…I suddenly realized our post-it isn't worth anything…yeah…to us it means everything…but if I die…," Derek shakes his head. "What I want to say is…either, we get married for real or you accept that I put you in my will!"

_I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping... _

"Mere…?" Derek lifts my chin to meet his gaze, "…It'll take not more than an hour at the notary's office?"

"NO…no notary," I hurry to say. Derek sighs and I see how a shadow crosses over his face, "Why not? Don't you get that I want to take care of you. Why won't you let me?" Derek sighs wearily.

_It is all so simple…so very simple._

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod and squeeze his hand, "If you don't mind…I rather go for the first option! Will you marry me…Derek?" I ask spontaneously, never more sure of myself.

"_Marry you…for real_?" Derek softly whispers, truly surprised. His eyes widen slightly as he sits back on the couch finally realizing what I've just said. I watch him and he slowly shakes his head, "I'm saying YES…definitely a YES!"

"Good," I smile, carefully crawling onto his lap. He wraps his arms around my waist and burrows his head in the crook of my neck, "You're really amazing…you know that…huh?"

I giggle, "I have my moments!"

Derek smiles and keeps his gaze locked on me as one of his hands travels upward to unbutton my blouse. His voice is hardly a whisper as he says;" You're making my heart skip some beats."

I bite my lower lip as Derek takes the opportunity to open another button…_and another_. I look up through my lashes as his hand reaches for the last one. My skin begins to heat and I shift and swallow audibly.

"_Derek_," I whisper, gripping his shirt and pulling him closer, lips inches away from each other. He breathes out softly, nodding slowly, "I know…it's too soon," he admits quietly.

I slide off his lap and extend my hand invitingly, "Let's get upstairs…I'll fix you a nice, hot bath!"

**To be continued in chapter 4**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy...I only wish**

**Author's note: Since I've started this fic a lot of you have added this story to your favourites...I would like to thank you for that! One of you also gave me a good tip about the placing of comments (possibility of placing comments without logging in)...great tip, thanks! This next chapter is about ripping off the band-aid...I mean, they both went through huge traumas; getting shot and losing a baby. Are they ready to make love again? Please read the next chapter and find out ;-)**

**Greetz, McJinx**

**Chapter 4**

When I wake up, I hear birds chirping outside my window and dim rays of sunlight filter through my curtains. I slowly stretch my arms above my head and snuggle back into the warmth of my bed. _Hmm, Sunday…I have the whole day off!_ Beside me, Derek's body is warm and comforting, his breathing steady.

_Yes…he is finally back where he belongs!_

I prop on one elbow and look at him, smiling. Such a powerful man when he's awake, yet so much like a little boy when he sleeps. Derek's eyelashes are impossibly long, resting delicately against his skin. His face is half buried in the sheets and one arm is thrown over his head. Unable to resist, I lean over and lightly stroke his cheek. He makes a noise deep in his throat and rolls to his side. Careful, not to wake him, I move closer to him until my body is completely fitted to his, tucking my back carefully against his belly and bending my knees against his legs.

Almost immediately his breathing changes and I sense that he's awake. He shifts slightly and reaches one hand around my waist.

"Good Morning."

"Hey," I whisper softly, "…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's OK!" Derek presses a soft kiss to the exposed part of my shoulder where my T-shirt has slipped away and then I turn around to face him.

_I love waking up like this._

He stares at me for a long moment and then a determined expression takes possession of his face. He slowly leans in, angling his mouth towards mine and I gasp for air as he claims my tongue. I softly moan as he pulls away after a long, passionate kiss. He sounds breathless as he says, "Did you ask me to marry you yesterday?"

"I did!"

"For a moment…I was afraid I'd been dreaming," Derek's smile becomes a tender, impertinent grin.

"I love you so much…," he whispers.

"I love you too," I murmur before leaning closer and kissing him again.

Derek's breathing really starts to quicken as he whispers, "I really need you, Meredith…you know?"

"Need me?"

He nods gravely, "Need and want you!"

I let out a ragged breath and swallow hard. The mere thought of Derek collapsing on me as we make love puts my stomach into knots but he wants it _me_ and hey…I want _him_ too!

"_Crap_." I sigh, but then a thought crosses my mind. _Cristina_. The thought has barely crossed my feverish mind before I quickly roll over and grab my cell from the nightstand. I hear Cristina's phone ring…once…twice…and then…_click_.

"_Cristina_?" I call, slightly embarrassed at how breathless my voice sounds.

"_Mere_…? Are you OK?"

"Yeah…," The line is silent for a few moments when I bite my bottom lip. _What am I doing? _

"Mere…what's going on?" Cristina demands.

I take a deep breath and then blurt out, "Can Derek and I…Can we have sex? I mean is he ready?"

"_What_…?" I can hear her snorting through the phone. I guess my question is so absurd it makes her laugh.

I let out a nervous giggle while Derek starts kissing my neck, "Cris…come on, I'm serious…very serious!"

"If you don't go at it as a pair of sex-crazed teenagers…," Cristina chuckles. "No Mere…serious. Derek passed his treadmill test with flying colors…if you're ready…he's ready too!"

"OK…thanks! Bye."

I toss my cell back on the nightstand before taking a deep breath and turning back to Derek, "She says you're ready!"

He smiles and shakes his head at me, "I am…but are you?"

I swallow hard and suddenly I am struck by a very, vivid mental image of myself wrapped in Derek's naked arms. _It's making me itch and it's making me hot_…and without further thought, I pull my T-shirt over my head. I stand before him without hesitation, my eyes clouded with nothing but the vision of making love.

Derek smiles at me, tenderness and excitement swirling in the depths of our gaze. _God, he makes my knees weak_.

"Time to rip off the band-aid," Derek whispers in my ear as he grabs my hand and pulls me to him. I inhale sharply and my body trembles involuntarily but I feel no inhibitions as I reach my arms out to touch him. I release one of the black buttons of his pajama shirt before setting to work on another. Derek simply watches me as I slowly unbutton his shirt. _One more to go, I think_. When I release the last button, Derek shrugs out of his shirt and tosses it to the floor. He stares at me for a moment before lowering his gaze to my only remaining piece of clothing; my panties. He trails one finger to the band of my panties, slipping it underneath the elastic band and pulling them down my thighs. I step out of them and Derek simply kicks them out of the way. I now stand naked before him but still without any hesitation.

"God…you're beautiful," Derek whispers before his hands leave me to get rid of his sweat pants. I watch his hands as he drops and steps out of them. In a blur his boxers are on the ground too and we stand before each other, completely naked.

I take a deep breath before I step forward and wrap my arms around his waist, craning my neck to look up at him, "Are you nervous?" I whisper.

He smiles a tiny smile, "A little."

"Me too…a little," I admit.

He smiles and leans in, slowly using his hand to cup my jawbone while his other hand slowly runs up my back digging into my hair at the base of my neck. His hand that grabs my hair pulls my head back and makes my lips vulnerable. I sigh and wet them and then Derek leans in and presses his lips to mine.

I feel his warm, moist lips and open my mouth automatically in response. Derek sighs as he pulls me closer until our bodies are pressed together.

_We kiss. I remember…one night stand kisses, stolen kisses in the hallway…prom night kisses_…_post-it kisses_, _hmm…all so familiar_.

At first our tongues are a little shy, greeting each other tentatively before his warm tongue slides fully into my mouth. We cling to each other, kisses turning hungrier as we let our fingers roam over naked flesh here and there. My nipples tingle as Derek moves my hair aside to plant his lips on the side of my neck. I run my hands over his chest, over his broad, smooth shoulders. The throbbing between my legs is already unbearable and we're barely beginning. Derek's hands slide around my waist and I can feel his slowly, growing erection. I notice he hasn't closed his eyes because he watches me…_every flinch…every gasp…every moan_…

I close my eyes as he slides his warm, soft hands up my stomach to cup my breasts and still…our mouths make love. Gently, I push my hands against his chest, pressing him onto our bed and supporting myself to hover over his body. I can smell him and I glance down at his erection; it fascinates me…its length, its straining hardness and my building desire for it. I gaze at Derek and lean over him, letting his hard length slide into my mouth. His fingers tangle deep into my hair as my tongue traces and tastes, every flick making him squirm and whisper my name. I softly flick my tongue against the soft flesh at the base and move my mouth up his shaft, leaving a trail of wetness behind. He's breathing hard now, moaning softly until I finally close my lips over the head of his erection, inciting a low groan.

"Oh God.…Meredith!"

I bob my head up and down for some time while caressing his base tenderly with one hand but then Derek pulls me up, needing my mouth again. In a blink of an eye, I'm lying on my back while he rises over me with a full, languid kiss, his flavor still lingering in my mouth.

If he lets go of me, his eyes are darkened with desire and he whispers against my lips, "My turn!"

My heart jumps in my chest. I was already wet before but now…_seriously_! Derek begins his quest down my body with his mouth open against my skin. His dark curls tickle my chin as he begins lavishing my already erect nipples with soft kisses, closing his mouth over them. Nudging…kissing, slowly leading a wet trail down my belly button, I remind myself to breathe.

_Derek…hmm_

Flicking his tongue against me, I moan and bite my lip, catching his head between my hands. He laps at me hungrily and I whimper with each stroke. I feel something pulsing deep inside me and time slows down. My eyes open to see Derek looking up at me as he finds the sweet bundle of nerves aching so badly for him. His tongue flicks over it and my fingers clutch at the sheets. Derek flicks his tongue in circles, sucks and nibbles. As he slowly pushes two of his long, slender fingers inside, I feel myself starting to spasm around them. I come with my back arched, stars exploding behind my eyelids and I can hardly breathe. I have no chance to savor the end of my first orgasm before he drives me into my second.

_I won't survive…I just won't. This is too much. _

Derek keeps pumping his fingers in and out, curling and reaching, rubbing and nibbling and for the third time, I'm a total goner…

"Derek," I moan desperately. "…Please?"

He slides up next to me and covers my mouth with his. My smell and taste are all over him as I kiss him back…_deeply…hungrily…devouring…_

"What do you say…shall we give it go?" Derek pants between kisses.

"I think we're ready," I whisper breathlessly into his ear. I push him down onto the bed and straddle his hips. Derek gasps as my hot wetness slips against his rock hard shaft. I smile and tenderly trace his jaw with my fingers. I hover over him and our foreheads meet. His hips shift under me and I know he's restless.

"I want you Derek," I say as I gently lift my hips and settle against his throbbing manhood. Derek slides his hands down my back, closing his eyes and sighing. My lips hover over Derek's and we breathe simultaneously. We both squirm as our flesh slides together. Derek pushes up and I reach down to guide him inside me…a little, and then…a little bit more until he's buried deep inside me.

I'm afraid to move while Derek's hands rest on my waist, gripping tightly as he lets out a slow breath.

I lift my hips up and then slowly grind them down, loving the hearty moans Derek lets out as we connect with each other…

He opens his eyes and looks into mine as we slowly work into a steady rhythm. His hard erection slides through my hot, silken flesh and I can't resist reaching down between us to find that sweet spot, he'd earlier teased so mercilessly. Derek groans as I touch myself and I feel him grow even larger inside me. His sits up and I lock my legs around him. We make love and kiss, our tongues dancing rhythmically as we're fused as one.

I start to come again…uncontrollably. Derek feels me pulling him deeper and groans loudly against my mouth. He pulls me tighter against him and thrusts hard into me as I climax. He kisses my shoulder and hisses my name through gritted teeth.

"Hmm…Meredith. God…oh…I'm…coming!"

Derek comes hard after me. I hug him tightly to me…and watch him as he pants with his eyes closed. As he opens them again, a smile curls his lips and he kisses me; his soft, blue eyes fully relaxed. Outside it starts raining and the wind has picked up. We both smile and gaze into each other's eyes.

"I guess…we did OK," Derek murmurs, pulling sweaty strands of hair back from my face.

"Not OK…excellent!" I nuzzle into his neck.

As much as I hate leaving our warm bed, I slip out to go to the bathroom. I gather my clothes and whisper softly, "I'm going to the bathroom to get cleaned up."

"OK…," Derek murmurs. "I'll shower after you."

I smile and look back at him. Derek's eyes are closed, his breathing deeper. Holding my clothes, I walk into the adjoining bathroom. A stolen glance over my shoulder reveals Derek deeply asleep…such a powerful man when he's awake but so much like a little boy when he's asleep…

**To be continued in chapter 5**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy...I only wish.**

**Author's note: I'm sorry I've kept you waiting for so long. Had an import exam (passed it though). I hope you like the next chapter. Please let me know what you think...would Derek and Meredith do it like this? What? Well...you have to read the chapter. Please enjoy!**

**McJinx**

**Chapter 5**

I park my Jeep at SGM Hospital's parking lot and get out of the slightly battered SUV. I sling my bag over my shoulder and blink into the early morning light. When I slowly walk towards the hospital, someone buzzes loudly in my left ear and I see a familiar motor cycle helmet.

"Hey…Mere, wait up!"

I smile and patiently wait while Cristina parks her motorcycle and then we walk towards the hospital together.

"How's Derek doing?"

"He's healing remarkably fast," I say when I throw a quick glance at Cristina.

"I bet," she chuckles and I can't help but blush profusely at what she hints at.

Cristina looks at me and we both laugh. She hooks her arm with mine and we enter the hospital for our 12 hour shift.

…

When I change into my scrubs, I listen to the chatter from my fellow residents as they enter the locker room from the hallway and the operating rooms beyond. They're bragging about complicated surgeries when suddenly the locker room door snaps open and the loud voice of Doctor Bailey overtakes the chatter.

"Hurry up people. There's been a multiple car crash east of downtown Seattle. Ambulances will roll in any minute…let's go people, NOW!"

"Yesss," I hear Cristina hiss and I can't help but smile at her enthusiasm. I quickly sling my stethoscope over my shoulder and hurry towards the Emergency Room. As I enter, I see Cristina already leaning over a man, listening to his chest. Her hair hangs loose over her shoulders and she brushes it back impatiently as she straightens up to yell out a flurry of orders.

Our eyes meet as I walk by and she winks, "Crazy start of a day, huh?"

"Don't complain…I know you love it when it's like this," I smile up at her, knowing how much Cristina thrives on traumas. I've seen it time and time again over the past few years of our residency and internship; when things fall apart and life hangs tenuously in the balance; Cristina is at her best..._and thank God for that_!

…

"_Doctor Grey…I could use a hand_?"

The shout of Owen Hunt brings me to my senses and I rush to his side to assist him in what looks like a tracheotomy.

"We've got to get an airway in him…_fast_! He's drowning in his own blood," Owen yells. I grab a tray of instruments and open it. Once the opening in the young man's windpipe is completed, a nurse starts ventilating him while I move to help Owen. He grabs instruments from the tray to clamp off the largest bleeders in the man's face and jaw while I take down the empty bag of blood and slip a new one into the pressure cuff.

"We need to get him into an OR!"

The nurses roll the gurney to OR three and Owen and I quickly slip into our surgical gowns to scrub in. I push the automatic slide door to the OR with my elbow and a nurse slips Owen and me surgical gloves before we start to work to repair the extensive damage. The young man is bleeding so profusely it's necessary to start four large needles in his leg, neck and both arms to pump blood into all of them simultaneously but he is a mass of blood, vessels and skin, so macerated that nothing seems to hold them together. The more Owen and I work, the more the young man bleeds. We pump 18 units of blood into him. But as fast as we pump it in, he pumps it out again and after hours of work, Hunt finally realizes, our rescue attempt is futile.

"That's it…I'm calling it. Time of Death, 11.02 am."

When a nurse rolls the gurney out of the OR, a snapshot falls onto the floor. I pick it up and look at it; it's a photo of a young couple…the young man and his girlfriend, dressed for prom. Tears come to my eyes. The young man is gazing sweetly at his girlfriend. Straight, blond and tall, he looks very handsome in a tux. She too, is tall with shining dark hair and love for her boyfriend is shining in her eyes. I swallow hard because the young man is now lost to himself, to his girl friend and to his future. I shiver when I realize…it's close to a month ago when I was almost in the same situation. I sink through my knees, cup my head in my hands and cry.

"_Meredith_?"

I look up at Owen and he's hovering over me, "Are you OK?"

I slowly shake my head and before I know what's happening, he lifts me and caries me to the adjoining scrub room where we both sit down on the floor.

"My dad died in a car accident when I was 6," Owen softly says after several minutes of silence. "My parents were arguing and my dad lost control of the car. I've missed him from day one and my mom's boyfriends just couldn't fit the description of him. It's why I decided to join the army!"

I look at Owen and frown. There's something different about him. He looks at me and I notice his wet cheeks.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. It's all I can say at the moment.

"It's OK Meredith…I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't mean to hurt Cristina. You must know…I really love...!"

"Shh…Owen, I know," I interrupt him. "I know!"

Owen kisses my cheek, and a little surprised I stand up as he does. He tells me we have to get back to the ER and I nod. When we walk down the long hallway, the walk back to the ER seems longer than the way there but a lighter feeling fills my stomach as we walk down the hallway together.

…

To my surprise, the rest of my shift passes uneventful and at 6 pm, I'm on my way to the locker room to get changed when the PDA in the pocket of my scrub pants buzzes. I check my phone to find it's a text from Derek.

_**I made us dinner. Why don't you invite Cristina and Owen? **_

I sigh but then return to the OR galleries to track down Cristina. She's nowhere to be found and at 6.17 pm, I'm more than a little pissed, because my shift is over and I'm still running around the hospital. I look around the cafeteria but they're not there either. As I'm checking the on call rooms, my PDA buzzes again.

_**Hurry home! I've texted Cris and Owen. They're already on their way!**_

I shake my head. _What the heck? What is he up to? _I shove my PDA back in my pocket and head for the locker room. By the time I get there, the early morning shift has already come and gone and I let out a sigh of relief. Good! I don't like it when it's too crowded. I take a look at myself in the mirror and decide to take quick shower. I take off my scrubs and unlock my locker. Wrapped in a towel, I enter the shower room and head for the third stall on the right. It has the best water pressure and the temperature doesn't waver between lukewarm to scalding hot like the other ones tend to do. After exactly fifteen minutes, I leave the shower room, feeling refreshed and less tired. When I head for the parking lot, I catch myself humming a song, looking forward to a nice evening with Derek, Cristina and Owen. I grab my PDA and text Derek that I'm on my way!

…

Exactly fifteen minutes later, I unlock the front door of my house. To my surprise, I find the living room dark and empty.

"_Derek_…_Cris?_ _Where are you…guys_?"

My voice floats strangely down the hall but the house almost seems deserted. The kitchen is empty too and I'm wondering where everybody is when I see lights in the garden. I open the back door and step outside onto the porch. It's is covered with freshly cut flowers and candles. I swallow hard but my mouth goes bone dry. _What's going on around here?_ My eyes need a few moments to adjust to the dim light but when they finally do, I see Derek, dressed casually in jeans and a white shirt. I wonder who the man standing next to him is but I'm even more confused when Cristina and Owen gather around us. Derek smirks a bit as he takes a step forward. My breath catches in my throat as he brushes a flyaway strand of hair from my face. His lips are only inches away from mine but he doesn't move, just whispers, "I'm not wasting another minute. Meredith…meet Mr. John Winters. He's justice of the peace…here in Seattle. He's marrying us…now!" My mouth drops in confusion but Derek leans forward so his lips brush along mine. When he takes a step back, I'm still standing in the middle of the porch with my eyes closed and my lips slightly parted. _Is this really happening_?

Roses. Petals blood red and soft as velvet surround us. I stare at them as time passes. I try to say something, but all that comes out is "How…?"

Derek touches my cheek, cups it in his hand, "I wanna make you happy. This is nothing more than making our post-it legal…no fuss…just a little ceremony…here at the house with Cristina and Owen as our witnesses. All you have to do, is say 'yes' and that's it!"

Derek offers me his arm, "So…what do you say?"

I smile back at him and nod, "I say…let's do this!"

"…_To have and to hold, in sickness and in health…" _

As the justice of the peace continues, I feel how my thoughts slowly drift off. I'm still conscious of his words but the thoughts in my head are literally swirling. This still feels so unreal. A mere few weeks ago, Derek got shot in the hospital and now…we're standing in the back of my yard…getting married…for real this time; it's actually happening.

Suddenly I'm aware of a pair of warm, familiar blue eyes staring expectantly at me and I click back into reality, realizing the justice of the peace is expecting an answer. He looks at me and…

"**I do**!"

The justice of the peace nods approvingly, "…_And do you…Derek Christopher Shepherd, take the…Meredith Eleanor Grey…?" _

…

I focus on Meredith, hearing and seeing nothing else. I only have to look into her eyes to feel better whenever things are bad; kindness, tenderness, love and strength in one, gorgeous woman…and now I'm finally marrying her.

"**I do**…," I softly say. I look up and her amazing smile appears.

"_Then…by the power vested in me, I pronounce you…husband and wife_!"

I take a step forward and press my lips to Meredith's. We've done it…We're married!

"Congratulations!" Cristina squeals, as she hands Meredith a glass of champagne. I see how she accepts it, "Thanks," she whispers. She takes a sip from her glass and

I smile as Cristina wraps her arms around Meredith.

Owen shakes my hand too softly says, "You two make a great couple…I'm glad for you Derek!"

I nod with a smile while a surge of adrenaline pumps through my veins and fills my heart with warmth and joy.

**Derek's pov...**

"OK guys…see you tomorrow!" Meredith steps over the threshold, stops to wave goodbye one last time and then gets back inside. She shivers and I step forward, longing to press my lips to hers, to soothe the shiver that passes through her slender well-formed body. I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me.

"Are you happy?" I ask while I brush my lips along hers.

Meredith's face becomes radiant as she looks up at me, slipping her arms around my neck and holding me tighter, "You're crazy…," she sighs contentedly, "….but I love being married to you!"

_Yes…I'm finally married to Meredith. It's what I've always wanted from the moment I felt her small, slender hand in mine, held her soft and tender body against mine and the scent of her hair filled my lungs with every breath I took_.

I open my eyes and look deep into the swirling depths of Meredith's blue-green orbs. I find many things in her beautiful eyes; passion, desire, tenderness and love! She blinks as she grabs my hand and pulls me towards the stairs. I pull her closer to my body and we dance; arms around each other. I can spend a lifetime holding her and it would never be enough. Our hips are swaying, like waves against a sandy beach. Suddenly, I have the urge to make her know how I feel. I stare into her eyes and am once again captured and captivated. Using all my strength I push her against the wall and pull her lips to mine in a passionate kiss.

Our kisses soon grow more feverish as I push my tongue into the sweet cavern of her mouth. I thread my fingers through her soft hair and she moans a little in my mouth. The knowledge of what I do to her turns me on even more and I shove my thigh between her legs. She puts her hands on my chest and pushes me away. She says nothing as she takes my hand and we hurry upstairs.

In our bedroom I press myself behind her, my hands roaming over her entire body. She turns in my arms and our mouths meet again.

Mmm…Meredith pushes me towards the bed and we pulls at each others clothing, tearing off piece by piece. I slide one strap of her bra down her shoulder, then I go behind her and wrap one arm around her waist. As I slide the other strap down, I leave soft kisses along her smooth skin. I unclasp her bra and run both of my hands up her stomach. I cup her breasts underneath the silky fabric and her bra falls to the floor.

Meredith moans, "Oh…Derek."

I continue my caresses, kneading her soft flesh and softly pinching an aching nipple between my fingers. All over sudden, she turns around in my arms and pulls my face to hers once again. Our kisses are all teeth and lips and tongues, wet and deep and warm. I gently push her slowly towards the bed. The smell of Meredith's arousal is overpowering. I slide my hand under the waistband of her panties and quickly remove the garment. A soft moan escapes her lips as I brush my hand against her sex. She arches her back and raises her hips slightly. I slip my hand between her legs and run a long finger along her sweet center. She gasps and moans again so I tease her with my fingers. Slowly I slip a finger inside her and begin to thrust into her while my thumb massages her sweet bundle of nerves. _God…she's tight_. I slip a second finger inside and start thrusting faster.

Meredith starts writhing under my touch. She screams my name as her body spasms around my fingers. I gently stroke her back as she attempts to regain her breath. She's lying across my lap, my throbbing erection firmly pressed against her stomach. I close my eyes and enjoy the feel of her warm skin on mine. I want her so bad. The smell of her is driving me crazy. _No more foreplay…I want to be inside her…now_!

A low growl erupts from my chest. I just can't take it anymore. My heart beats wildly as I twist and half throw us sideways back onto the bed, immediately climbing on top of her and diving into her warm, moist folds. The angle is perfect; Meredith tilts her pelvis and allows me to penetrate deeply. He legs, wet with sweat clung at my waist and her back arches. I use long, gentle thrusts, pulling almost all the way out each time. As I thrust inside, I can almost feel her cervix pulsing against the tip of my erection. A sheen of sweat covers Meredith's body as the intensity of our lovemaking increases. She whimpers each time as I hit her sweet, little clit with my belly. Her green eyes roll in her head as her feelings built and her breathing becomes more sporadic.

"Oh…yes, Derek…," she pants as I continue to thrust deeply inside her. One of her hands dugs into my scalp and the other rests low on my back. The pale skin of her neck and chest slowly turns red and we both grunt and gasp for air. I can feel her tightening around me, her pulsating muscles throbbing, begging for release. _She's so close…I can smell it_. Closing my eyes, I concentrate, waiting in anticipation for the best part.

"Mmm…oh…I'm…coming," she finally gasps as she comes.

The words ring in my ears, vibrated off my fingertips. With one final thrust, I explode inside her, feeling my erection spasm again and again, filling her with my own heat.

I open my eyes and we kiss for a few minutes, lost in the passion of our bodies…our souls. I kiss her neck and feel her smile against my cheek as she says sweetly, "I love you…husband!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy...I only wish**

**Author's note: Hey guys...I feel a little guilty because I've neglected you for a couple of weeks (sooo busy). Oh and btw...I've made a little sidekick with writing a short story about Twilight. But as you all know...my heart lies with Grey's Anatomy...always has and always will. I hope you like the next chapter. Chapter six continues in the morning after Derek's and Meredith's mariage. Please read, enjoy...oh and don't forget to comment. **

**McJinx**

**Chapter 6**

**Derek's pov**

_So…here I am. My dream has finally coming true_…

My wife (!) smiles at me over morning coffee and I grin. We look like two students after a hot prom night. A sigh of utter contentment escapes my throat.

"You have no idea how happy I am," I say to Meredith. She smiles and holds my eyes captive with hers while she stands and walks towards me. Straddling my lap, she plants a serious kiss on my lips, "Not half as happy as I am!" My hands gently massage her back, rubbing softly in circular motions. When I get to the small of her back, she sighs, "Mmm…I little lower!"

I grin but continue my massage. As my hands reach the elastic band of her pajama shorts, I stop to look at her but she just smiles and puts her head on my shoulder, "A little longer…please," she begs. She puts her arms around my neck and squirms on my lap, causing the bulge in my sweats to react. I moan softly and she smiles, looking up.

"Wanna go upstairs?" she asks innocently.

"And just what are we going to do up there?" I tease. Meredith's radiant smile, kisses and lap-squirming tell me everything I need to know about her intentions. I smile but grab her hand. Together we hurry upstairs. In the bedroom, I let go of her but she grabs my hand and pulls me towards the bathroom.

**…..**

Meredith lets water flow over her face, while I stand behind her. As we stand under the spray together, I wrap my arms around her waist and hold on tightly. I dip my head into the space between her neck and shoulder, running the tip of my nose along her collarbone. She reaches back, holding the nape of my neck, sighing contentedly. I grab a washcloth and start washing her. When I'm done, she takes the cloth from my hand and returns the favor. The moment, her hand touches my skin, I'm instantly hard. All, she has to do is look up at me with her eyes and I want her. Without a word, I grab her hips and lift her up against the shower wall. I lean over to kiss her as I slip effortlessly into her. I bury myself in her over and over again. We move silently, slowly in tandem, lost in the feeling of our joint movements and our orgasms are a slow, passionate burst, _together_.

After turning off the spray, I grab a towel to gently dry her off. As we're both in the process of getting dressed, the doorbell sounds loudly and we both almost jump at the shrilling sound. I put a t-shirt over my head before running down the stairs.

**Meredith's pov**

I make my way to the kitchen where I hear muffled voices, wondering who's calling this early when suddenly, the door swings open and '_Whoa'_; Derek's mom stands in front of me.

"_MEREDITH_!" She calls out, "_Welcome to the Shepherd family_!" The next moment, I'm being enveloped in her strong arms. I stare at Derek awestruck, my heart soaring in my chest but he simply shrugs his shoulders as his mom hugs me even tighter.

"I'm so happy you two are finally married," she says, clapping her hands in approval. "It's a pity though you've kept it small. I would have loved giving you a real wedding!"

"Mom…please?" Derek sighs wearily but he can't hide the amused expression on his face.

"So mom?" Derek says slowly after a while, "How long are you staying?"

I look at my mom-in law, waiting for an answer, because I'm genuinely curious.

"Er…that depends," Carolyn smiles as she looks at us hopefully. Derek chuckles beside me but I dismiss it as I hurry to say, "You're welcome to stay Mrs. Shepherd…for as long as you want!"

"My children call me mom," Derek's mom pauses for a moment, "…and my friends call me Carolyn. You can call me whatever you want, dear!"

"OK…Mrs. She…Carolyn." I smile shyly.

**Derek's pov**

When my mom is settled in the guest room, I enter our bedroom to find Meredith there, putting on a pair of jeans and a nice T-shirt. I go behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, sweetly kissing her neck.

"...Don't you mind…my mom being here?"

Meredith turns around in my arms and stares at me with a certain glow in her eyes. I can't quite tell what it is…Resentment? Anger? Love? I don't know but she wraps her arms around me and kisses me. I moan into her mouth at the suddenness, wrapping my arms around her neck and pulling our bodies as close together as I can. When, she breaks the kiss, she cups my face and says, "She's your mom, Derek. She has every right to be here. You almost died…and you told her she didn't have to come. What I want to say here is…your mom has every right to be here!"

I stare at Meredith in awe for a while, not being able to wrap my head around how she's grown since we are together. She smiles at me, taking both of my hands in hers, leaning forward to kiss me. When she lets go of me, she turns and walks towards the door,

"I go and see if your mom is settled in…OK?"

I nod before I sit down on the bed, sighing contentedly. _My life is perfect. My wife is perfect_!

**Meredith's pov**

Lifting my hand, I knock lightly on the guest room door with the backs of my fingers, "Mrs. She…Carolyn? Can I come in?"

There is a short pause and then I hear her voice, "Come in…the door's open."

I push down the door handle and step inside the guest room.

"Hi, Meredith." Derek's mom smiles briefly waving at me with a friendly twinkle in her eyes. I notice her eyes quickly drift down my body in what I hope is an appreciate glance.

"Do you have everything you need?" I ask…"…we do have extra blankets!"

"No dear…I'm fine. I'm not a cold person. I guess…it's a Shepherd thing…We're never cold," she chuckles.

I smile, slightly blushing because I know she's right. I'm freezing all the time while Derek's always warm. It works best in bed because when we snuggle, he warms me up and I cool him down but before I get to comment, the guest room door opens and Derek steps inside.

"The hospital just called, "Nelson is separating Siamese twins. Richard wants…,"

"…Derek? You're not operating…are you? You're not strong enough for such a complicated surgery," I interrupt him.

Derek takes a few steps forward and strokes my hair, "Don't worry…I don't operate. Richard wants me up in the gallery to observe Nelson…instruct him…if necessary," Derek hurries to say.

"OK," I sigh wearily. I'd rather have Derek home but he has to return to the hospital some time and I know he's anxious to get back. I give him a quick peck on his cheek but he suddenly pulls me back and kisses me tenderly on the lips. A soft blush creeps on my cheeks and I push him away, slightly annoyed because I'm being embarrassed so easily. Derek grins and gives him mom a peck on the cheek, "See my two favorite women tonight, OK?"

**…..**

Derek's mom sits at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and leafing through the Seattle Times. _**Siamese twins looking forward to separation**_, the front page screams. Opening the cabinet doors, I scour the boxes of cereal for the one I like, wondering if I even remembered to pick it up. Of course, I haven't. Nothing but Derek's favorite fiber squares and disgusting marshmallow cereals, Alex likes so much. I sigh. _Is_ _it so hard to remember Cheerios_? Without thinking, I slam the cabinet doors with a satisfying bang. Carolyn jerks her head up and looks at me. Her brown, kind eyes register my foul mood.

"You OK dear?" she calmly says.

I sigh and explain I have forgotten to pick up my favorite cereal. Derek's mom smiles understandingly, while I grab a bagel from the table and chew it slowly, keeping an eye on the clock. _What would Derek be doing right now_?

I look up startled as I feel how Derek's mom grips my hand, "How was it Meredith?"

"How was what?" I swallow hard because I know what she's asking me. I sigh and sit down. My mind has trouble processing my thoughts because the event she wants me to remember is still too shocking…too horrible.

_That day…yes that was the day everything went wrong…_

I clear my throat and start talking slowly…softly. I tell Derek's mom everything…from my pregnancy test, to the many deaths, Derek's shooting and…eventually the miscarriage. At the thought of it, my stomach suddenly heaves again and again, and I shake, painfully aware of my loss. I clasp my hands in front of my face when a cool hand presses a soft piece of material to my brow. I open my eyes and peer into deep brown ones. Derek's mom hands me a tissue.

"Shhh," she murmurs. "I'm here."

I shake my head, very aware of the shame I feel at being in such a vulnerable position in front of Derek's mom.

"I wanted it so much," I wheeze before transcending into a fit of dry heaves.

"Shhh," Carolyn says again, a look of sympathy on her warm face. "I know dear…I know!" Carolyn wraps an arm around me and after a while, the shaking stops and I can breathe again.

"I love you like a daughter Meredith. Tell me you know that?"

Her kind words bring tears to my eyes again but I slowly nod.

"Derek and you. You will have children eventually. I know…no I feel it!" Carolyn hugs me tighter and just at that moment Derek steps in to the kitchen, his eyes worried.

"What is it Meredith?"

I can't speak and instead I let out a long, keening cry. He's is near me in a heart beat wrapping his arms around me.

**Derek's pov**

My mom quickly explains how Meredith has told her everthing about the day I was shot. I shake my head and lay a hand on her shoulder, gently turning her around. When I see her eyes, I feel a burning sensation in my chest.

"Oh sweetheart," I murmur lowly.

Meredith's eyes are red and puffy from crying and when I pull her into my arms she cries. My mom shakes her head, her gaze on my face.

"You both should take some time off. You got shot Derek…and you almost died. Meredith has lost your child. You two should really take the time to overcome this!"

My mom shrugs and steps closer, curling her arms around us and for a moment I feel lighter than I can ever remember feeling.

"I love you children and I'm always there when you need me," she whispers. I hear Meredith murmur, "I love you too…Car…mom!" I smile because my mom is right and her advice is the best I've heard in a long…long time!

**To be continued in chapter 7**


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